My father reluctantly paid for his mother to travel across the county to stay with us.
She hadn't changed, except she looked much older. I had to sleep with her in my cramped little bedroom. She chain smoked; my Dad hated cigarettes.
What she did for the 4 weeks she stayed:
She ate lots and lots of candy corn
And read newspapers (?).
She didn't go outside. She didn't eat with us. She didn't cook or clean. She only talked to me when she sent me to the store for candy corn and magazines. I liked that I could keep the change.
After a month, my Dad had had enough. He put her on a train back to California. The day after she left, my mother discovered Grandma had helped herself to her dresses and sweaters.
After a few more years, stepsister told my Dad it was time for mother to go in a nursing home. Grandma was 57 when she slipped out of an unlocked door at the home one night. Walking down the middle of the street in her nightgown, she was hit by a car.
My Dad did not attend the funeral, and he refused his share of the settlement from the lawsuit against the nursing home.
14 thoughts:
Thank you, Lou for sharing a really personal part of your life and your history.
Your dad was an honorable and amazing man.
57 is close enough now for me to see. I'm grateful that I see a different 57 in my future than that. I want to give your Dad a hug though.
Sad story.
Wow. That just gives me goosebumps. Another heartbreaking story of an alcoholic who doesn't get help. It's really really sad. Thanks for sharing this with us Lou.
Wow, too much drama for me.
I have nothing to say, except I get it. jeNN
another alcoholic legacy.
so sad.
You know it is sad and touching this story about your grandma, I appreciate your candor. Some addicts get help and find recovery, this is what happens to those that don't.
Thank you for sharing this story, it gives me gratitude today that I won't be the grandma to my grandchildren that you had, and that my children are dear to me today and I them.
I feel sorry for her...(why do people let this happen to themselves.. what kind of childhood did she have??).
So when you met her she was 51 at first..that is a YOUNG WOMAN...look at Christy Brinkley in her 50s.. ...and than at 57 she was ready for a nursing home?? Not in legally a senior citizen..
Did the booze and cigarettes destroy both her physical and mental health??
Poor lady.............(and your poor dad never having a real mom to take care of him as a boy).
I wonder if your grandmother had a real mom/dad to take care of her???
The GREAT thing is you DAD broke the cycle...he was great to you and your mom. You were blessed with him and he was blessed he himself did not become like his own mom.. and self-destruct from not having love from his mom as a boy.
Betty Ann (((hugs)))
I feel for your grandmother. But I so totally get your dad. My own dad is still searching for what he's looking for at the bottom of a bottle. Every once and a while I catch a glimpse of him from afar. How he is still going I don't know. I tried my damndest to help him...but as we all know you have to want the help. He won't talk to me at all now.
Meanwhile the glimpse I get he's unwashed, his hair is long stringy, greasy..there are open sores on his arms and face. He has a home and gets disability. The alcohol has shut the rest of the world outside of his head. I expect any day to get that phone call, that knock on the door that says it's done. I've cried too many tears, hurt so much...After awhile you have to shut down that emotional vacumn.
I do owe him for my own sobriety though, it was in the pursuit of saving him, I saved myself. (Hugs)Indigo
This is a sad story. I wonder at a woman who is 57 being in a nursing home. I'm glad that your father has moved forward with his life. That would be a tough thing for anyone to ever forget.
Your fathers story has me looking on my own mother differently... thank you for sharing this Lou.
You didn't share your room with the snake in the jar too? I'm bummed.
I do worry about when my parents get older. My siblings are not responsible enough to jump in and help. I suspect my sister-in-law might whip my brother into shape, but that hardly seems right. I don't know if my parents have made any living will plans. I hope so. I sure as he'll don't want anything from them, but I do expect to make sure they are ok and comfortable in their dotage. No matter how they treat me.
No way on earth they are living with me. Or near me. They ought to scope out nursing homes or I'll choose for em. There will be much less guilt all around that way since guilt is a friggin given.
My son, all on his own, has promised me a spot in his house when I'm old and "decrapitated." I won't hold him to it, but isn't he sweet?
Wow, what a sad life.
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