My Dad's mother was an alcoholic, the only one I ever knew growing up. I met her twice in my life, and as alcoholics are wont to do, she left a huge impression on me both times. I never would have met her at all if my Dad had his way. But when he married my mother and adopted me, my mother was insistent he have a "relationship" with her. The relationship would turn out to be 2 uncomfortable visits spread over 12 years. I've divided what I know of Grandma into 3 parts. Today is the background.
Grandma ( I never called her that) had my Dad at a very young age with her 1st husband. She soon got a 2nd husband, and my dad got a step sister. After a couple years, there was a 3rd husband, and my dad was a nuisance. From about 4 years to 16 years old, he was shuffled about to different relatives, while his mother increasingly drank and took up with various men. I don't know where the step sister lived.
My Dad was 16, and sleeping upstairs at his Grandmother's house, when the house caught fire. She had fallen asleep with a cigarette; she died, and he jumped out of a second story window. Three days after the fire, his mother went with him to the Merchant Marines recruiting center. She told the recruiter my Dad's birth certificate had been lost in the fire, but she would swear on the Bible he was 18. It was 1945 so that was good enough for the recruiter. Shortly after, my Dad sailed out of San Diego harbor.
I don't know much about the years of neglect, drunkenness, fighting, and poverty . My Dad rarely spoke of them. When he left California, he had no intention of ever seeing his mother again.
**I consider him Dad; he was my step dad from 4 years old on**
15 thoughts:
Alcoholism leaves a wide, sad , wake.jeNN
I would consider him Dad too.
Lou, I am going to find out for sure today, but I believe my dad left for the Merchant Marines in 1945 also, though it could have been 1943. He lied and told the recruiter he was 18 though really he was 16. Maybe they served together. He went on into the Navy 2 years later.
We did not have even one relative that drank. I guess "I" was the one relative.
I'll bet your dad never complained about coming from a dysfunctional home.
Of course he is your Dad. Any male can make a baby, it takes a real MAN to be a father.
We suffer most from our twisted relations with others.
How very hard it must have been for your Dad to endure the pain of his alcoholic. Thank you for sharing
This makes me sad. I never want to be that drunk Grandma. Your Dad sounds like a wonderful person. Hugs, Jenn
He is definitely your dad.............and (hugs) to him.
Thank you for sharing this story.
Betty Ann
Pam, after 18 months it was discovered he was color blind, and they put him in the Army! He stayed there for 34 years (almost 36 years in the Armed Services.. WWII, Korea, & Viet Nam).
I can't help but agree with the sentiments, "Any man can have a baby, it takes a father to raise one." Dysfunction doesn't always have to come in an alcoholic box to undo a child's childhood. I do have to say it's more profound with the addition of the alcohol.(Hugs)Indigo
Alcoholism hurts so many people. It is incredible that those who are in it's path ever heal. I'm glad that you are working on that healing process. It's quite a journey we are all on.
Grandma sounds like a peach.
Your mother insisting your dad try to have a relationship with his mother reminds me of my mother-in-law when I first got with my husband. She kept saying, "They're your parents. They love you."
It's hard for some people to comprehend just how selfish, destructive and unloving some parents can be.
Do you think our ancestors leave an imprint on the genetic code that comes out later in i their decendants. Thanks for the compliment by the way. Yorkshire has produced many fine writers, brontes, priestly, bennett, to name just a few.
Lou - my dad's mother was a drunk as well as estranged from him. He was the product of her first marraiage - my fathers dad died before he was born in an accident, my grandmother gave my dad to her mother and father to raise and went off and had another family, without him and very sperate from him.
I am glad you took the time to write this part of your life down.
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