Why do people think one drug is worse than another. Opiates are hard, and heroin is a mean ass drug. Tell that to the family devastated by crystal meth. Is alcohol on another level because it's legal? Maybe the parents of the four teenagers killed by this chronically relapsing alcoholic going the wrong way down the road, don't think so.
The most successful treatment center is my area...that is, the one that actually measures outcomes, NOT the one with the fancy website, has this core philosophy:
no addiction is any less treatable than another.
They have a 50-60% long term sobriety rate. Even with the mean ass drugs. I wonder, it is because their counselors believe people can and do achieve full recovery? Is it that the staff does not view substance abuse as a lifestyle or moral choice? Is it because this facility is not afraid to promote total abstinence?
Enabling and unconditional love are not the same. If one digs in their heels, and refuses to be teachable, one may never understand that concept. AlAnon is good and cheap (free) therapy. If you won't, can't, don't want to give it time to work, you will be blogging about the one month of clean time, the relapse, the eight days of clean time, the suspicions, the relapse, the twelve days of clean time, the jail time for as long as you want to keep it up.
If your loved one is not working a program of recovery, they are NOT sober. They are bullshitting you. You are being taken for another ride. Period.
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26 thoughts:
Yes, I'm glad you are back.
Yes, the only cure for ANY drug is total abstinence from ALL drugs.
Not real clear on the last part though.
People can be "not sober" and also "not bullshitting". Why? Because when we are using we lots of times believe what we are saying. We believe that we "can do it this time" We believe that "we're through".
I also have an addict child who NEVER TOOK me for "another ride." She didn't want me on the ride...I got on of my own free will.
On the flip side of that coin though...when we aren't seeking recovery, yes, we are seeking dope.
Great post Lou and Welcome Home and back! Neither of my girls are in recovery and I am constanting impressed by their ability to BS!! Thank God I have Al Anon! It is therapy for me and I only have to drive a few blocks for it here in my town. Otherwise, the therapy I get from my HMO is 50 miles down the mountain, with a copay! I appreciate them both...but Al Anon has been the life saver...life savor....restoring me to partial sanity, since I am still a newbie. How wonderful for the success rate of the facility you mentioned! Excellent! Blessings and love, Lisa
I wonder about who did the Stats on your rehab. I'm pretty jaded about it all these days I admit though. My biggest complaint about working with the families of the addicts and alcoholics was that they rarely were willing to participate in any recovery for themselves. They would definately expect their family member to be going to meetings though, you betcha!
I'll say this, how well is an individual who can LIVE with someone who is in active addiction? I rest my case.Missed ya! jeNN
I think that unless someone is really ready to go to any lengths, then they may be sober but they are not in recovery. I see that with members of Al-Anon as well. They go to meetings but don't have a sponsor and aren't working the steps. They may not die but they are still sick. Thought provoking post, Lou.
Super glad your back! we all need the wakeup call.
I did miss you! Welcome home!
I have been re-reading some of my older postings while I was on the fence as far as al anon went - while I was still hesitant - and there is a change in me - I see it in the mirror and I see it in my older post's...
I am afraid I am on that road again with my son. **sigh**
I personally don't think any one addiction is less treatable than another. I think working a thorough program is the best way to maintain sobriety (and total abstinence, of course). Everything worth having takes effort. It's a good way to stay grateful.
Glad you are back. Very glad you are back.
I always thought it was funny when someone said, "I am an alcoholic and an addict." Aren't they the same? That would be my girl...alky/addict.
I am learning that I can love unconditionally without enabling. For me that is a big lesson. Love doesn't equal enabling the lifestyle.
I so agree with your comment that if your loved one isn't working a program then they aren't sober. My girl isn't using that I know of, but she sure isn't sober either. All of the old behaviors are there, alive and well and bursting out all over the place. All while she screams, "I quit using drugs, what more do you want from me?!"
Glad you are back Lou.
I haven't said a lot about this, but my primary addiction was over-the-counter cough syrup. Sure, I drank and abused prescription meds, but it was the robitussin that I relapsed on for years. Does that sound ridiculous? When I overdosed on it, my blood tested positive for heroin. The emergency room wouldn't believe that all I'd taken was the cough syrup. It sure hasn't seemed like a "light" drug to me.
Eli, thank you for your helpful honesty!
BHM: Yep! You KNOW you were missed, if only for five Blong days! YOUR honesty and outspokenness are welcome and needed MORE than every five days.
I like when there is a PERIOD after the ., as in "If your loved one is not working a program of recovery, they are NOT sober. They are bullshitting you. You are being taken for another ride. Period."
I'm coming to believe that everyone is different. There is not one way to do any of this. Whatever works for you works for you. Ultimately, you have to do what is best for you regardless of what anyone else tells you should be the right way. People who have 20 years of sobriety and "work the steps" and attend meetings can be every bit the asshole as someone who isn't doing those things but is still sober. It's no different among people who aren't alcoholics or addicts.
Welcome back!
After using all of the above, and going through treatment for opiates (which didn't work), I truly believe the meanest one for me was alcohol. This is because it was the last substance to go, and the point where I started recovery. When I admitted that I had a problem.
Of course, that is also why the earlier counseling didn't work; I refused to admit to having a problem.
I thought we had resigned from the debating society.
Rehabs work if the person admitted to them actually is willing to find and maintain sobriety.That means attending all the education groups, meeting one on one with their counselors, complete assignments and be willing to take a look at the underlying cause of the addiction. It also means that when your counselor sets up an aftercare program, it gets followed. Two of my patients walked out of treatment today because one guy got a hold of a 100 bucks. It will only be a matter of time before they end up in another facility, dead or in jail. Hard but true statistics. Then there are those who work closely with their counselors addressing the issues as they come up. I have one patient who can't read so he and I meet every morning at 9am to go over his treatment plan and practice a little reading in the process. This guy wants help and is willing to do what it takes to get it. Addiction Counseling is a hard field to be in. Add some mental health and it becomes harder. Meeting patients where they are at is a challenge but re-enforces the fact that we and I mean all of us have no control over what another person truly wants, feels, thinks.
hell yeah!! Glad your back, by the way I left an award for you on my blog, come check it out.
I know you like the 12step program, but what you write are lies. People get well WITHOUT the 12step program. Don't call EVERYONE who doesn't do things your way a liar. Get off your fucking high horse.
Oh Mike, you don't understand me or the blog. If you read it you would see I support every kind of recovery, I've posted on that lots of time. Guess you best not read me if it upsets you so.
Great post, so glad you are back, you were missed!!!
Some of these comments are unnecessary..*I'm looking in Mike's direction* but they are humble opinions.
I think if you're not working a program of recovery you are not only not sober, you're not sane and honestly I see it in meetings too...but you know what...that's their back yard not mine..
I do not feel you have a high horse at all, you have an opinion and a good one at that...if I kept going the way I was I would be dead today...period.
Thank you Lou...
Love
G
The more I read you the more I say my alcoholism from the other persons eyes. That is a new thing for me. All the distrust and disappointment. All the hard work the non alcoholic has to put in to life just because of the alkie, druggie etc.
My brother said his meetings keep him sane...and sober.
Amen! I totally agree with all your points. I live with the "evidence". After many, many years of living in alcohol-induced hell, the salvation of my marriage occurred only when my husband got serious about working the 12 steps and I started going to Al-Anon/working the steps. For those who disagree, that's ok -- live and let live. It's not like we are out recruiting. Attraction, not promotion, right?
12 steps dont hold the patent on sanity but it almost seems like they do most of the time in the case of the addict or alcoholic who has been exposed to them. Im living with a good example of dry. yuck.
Miss you? But of course! You needn't ask that.
I think I agree with everything you said, but you know my memory is poor. I hope I remembered it all.
I had to say this: you can decide what sobriety means to YOU instead of what sobriety means to some program. I will never buy into that 12 step garbage and yet I have over a year drug free and beautiful healthy non-heroin or cocaine-addicted baby girl. "Recovery" is NOT the only way out. All drug programs have the exact same 3-5% stats for a reason- it doesn't matter HOW you do it, as long as you do it. I'm glad the 12 step stuff helped you, but it's not gospel and it's NOT the only way out.
sHeLLeY
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