Criminals are either violent or non violent. Andrew is a non violent substance abuser; the distinction makes a big difference to the judge and the type of punishment.
When a police car signals you to stop, but you speed up and drive into a ditch on your suspended license instead, that is fleeing and eluding. That is a felony. Years later, if you run on foot from the police, jump into a lake, and try to swim away that is resisting arrest. That is a felony.
Andrew received these two non violent felonies, one at 18, one at 23. (BTW, he can still be president;). He also has 5 misdemeanor counts of driving on a suspended license. Each time you get caught driving on a suspended license, you get fined and even more suspended (?!?). He owes the secretary of state $3800.
For each of those offenses he spent months here and there in county jail, awaiting hearings. At each hearing, the judge could see he was more addict/alcoholic than menace to society. Each judge tried a program. The court ordered rehab Andrew walked away from was yet another chance.
After a couple months in county for the probation violation (which resulted from the walk away), he was also charged with larceny from a vehicle (remember the Ipod). The judge correctly decided Andrew had been given enough chances. He sentenced him to 16 months is a level 1 (non violent offenders) prison. With time served, it comes to about 13 months.
So that is what he is in for. In the beginning, at age 18, the legal system only asked he pass a piss test and it would have been over. Hundreds of failed piss tests later, Andrew will tell you he needed this consequence.
Felonies, prison, addiction, passing out drunk in people's yards. It's sounds grim, doesn't it? Like it's all over, a life wasted? I don't think that at all. Andrew is 25 years old. Some people live their lives backward, getting all the bad stuff out of the way first.
When a police car signals you to stop, but you speed up and drive into a ditch on your suspended license instead, that is fleeing and eluding. That is a felony. Years later, if you run on foot from the police, jump into a lake, and try to swim away that is resisting arrest. That is a felony.
Andrew received these two non violent felonies, one at 18, one at 23. (BTW, he can still be president;). He also has 5 misdemeanor counts of driving on a suspended license. Each time you get caught driving on a suspended license, you get fined and even more suspended (?!?). He owes the secretary of state $3800.
For each of those offenses he spent months here and there in county jail, awaiting hearings. At each hearing, the judge could see he was more addict/alcoholic than menace to society. Each judge tried a program. The court ordered rehab Andrew walked away from was yet another chance.
After a couple months in county for the probation violation (which resulted from the walk away), he was also charged with larceny from a vehicle (remember the Ipod). The judge correctly decided Andrew had been given enough chances. He sentenced him to 16 months is a level 1 (non violent offenders) prison. With time served, it comes to about 13 months.
So that is what he is in for. In the beginning, at age 18, the legal system only asked he pass a piss test and it would have been over. Hundreds of failed piss tests later, Andrew will tell you he needed this consequence.
Felonies, prison, addiction, passing out drunk in people's yards. It's sounds grim, doesn't it? Like it's all over, a life wasted? I don't think that at all. Andrew is 25 years old. Some people live their lives backward, getting all the bad stuff out of the way first.
29 thoughts:
25?
I've got socks older than that!
Fresh start...New chance on life.
Thank you for sharing this gut wrenching story.....G
i pray, with you, his life isn't over. because like you, i have hope... lotsa love!
Yes. Ms. SoberPants is 27. She has 2 years clean and sober. She is a very young woman with a whole life ahead of her.
Lou,
I didn't start my addiction till I was 22, on my second marriage and already had two kids. Model wife, mother etc. Everone was so shocked, that me, suburban princess, turned junky. I am glad I got rid of that junk in the earlier years. I don't think I could handle the "system" at my age now. I remember Kenny telling me that the last time he was locked up and everyone called him "Pops" that was it for him. He never went back. Sometimes it is the small things that cause the great epiphany. They have a program in many states called Break The Cycle. Two urine tests a week. That's it and than once you complete it, you are done. 80% of people never make it through break the cycle. That alone says something about the power of addiction. Knowing that if you fail your urine test it's straight to jail. The insanity of addiction.
Still reading...
I am looking forward to the continuing story. It doesn't sound to me like a life wasted, it sounds like a lot of effort and expended energy to live a life like that.
"..living life backwards" That little jewel will be repeated at my Thursday night meeting. We have a few of us in there who have kids that are out there and our hearts could really use this. Thanks!
Namaste
I love your outlook Lou and it is spot on. Some just have to get the bad all out so they can experience the good. You are a wonderful and loving mother Lou. Andrew is so fortunate to have you in his life!
I really like that, living his life backwards. Great perspective, Lou!
I think I lived backwards as well - all the bad stuff is taken care of - now comes the opening of the heart and the embracing of serenity. Now comes what life should be!
Lou,
I was thinking of you this morning as I sipped a cup of Starbuck's Breakfast Blend.
Jesus, Andrew could be my kid. He is a baby. Lots of time to turn things around.
Tons of love,
SB
Thank you so much for telling this story.
I think I led my life backwards as you say getting the bad stuff out of the way first....it took till I was 39 to get it over with.
But what a life I have today - I wish the same for Andrew and know he can have it. Prayers continually.
PG
Not a life wasted. NEVER. Havent walked in his shoes!! The pain and guilt endured I wouldnt even be able to imagine. I am keeping Andrew and you in my thoughts. Sitting on the other side of the pond I am wondering if there would be something Andrew has interest in which I could send over? Tons of hugs
Oh, Paula..you made my heart swell.
Thank you, a prayer would be most appreciated
Lou lou lou.....I so know this story all too well. Ryan has yet to spend much time in jail (his has been because of DUI and/or fines not paid) but if things don't get better on his part I think that is next. But there is nothing I can do about that. Andrew started a lot younger than Ryan but they are so similar. Ryan is lost, completely lost in his addiction. He doesn't know what to do or where to go. If he would only realize that he never has to go through it alone. I pray for this every single night. And I pray for your Andrew also. So many young, old, middle age people are in the same shoes as our boys. I wrote today about my daughter and how she has learned from her brother's problems. God willing I won't have another child addict.
Our path carrys us to the place we need to be. Not s moment is wasted - and I can't wait to hear more. All the good stuff.
Hi Lou,
I found your blog around the time of your post about Andrew's parole hearing. I have to agree with the others who commented. There is always hope & it's never too late.
I think about you often & pray things will go as planned.
After 15 months of incarceration in TN, my fiance' is finally getting transferred back to OH on Thursday. I can hardly wait. One more round of court, but hopefully he'll qualify for the Drug Court rehab program that is done from home in lieu of jail time.
Thanks for the honest sharing on your blog. It's good to know we aren't alone on this difficult journey.
thanks for sharing this, i cannot or maybe i can imagine the grief you go through on a daily basis.
just learning that none of this is any of your fault may give you some comfort but i can't imagine that it would be much. since there in lies the rub, which makes you equally powerless to stop him from his life choices.
however, there is always hope, with hope we get faith and faith gives us strength to get through another 24 hours. sometimes those prayers just get us through seconds and minutes but as time goes by and we continue this path that strength grows. i feel andrew is in a good place. and i feel through reading this that maybe this just might be the bottom he needs to hit to start moving forward. prayers to you and your family for strength and courage to move forward. and in case andrew hasn't said it yet, thank you for not giving up.
25 was my turning point. My childhood was hell. My high-school and college years were a mess. I almost lost everything. I almost died. At age 28, I am living the life I only dreamed possible. The girl I once was seems like a dream. I am thriving now. I am proof Lou. It's never too late.
Thank you for telling this story.
PS: I left you a present on my blog this morning!!
Did I tell you about the paper my son wrote for his sociology class (the one he took at the college) that supported rehab for non-violent drug and alcohol offenders in lieu of jail time? He also had to send a letter to a government official of his choice (he sent his to our governor) explaining his stance from a sociological standpoint. He also used his mom as an example (with my permission), saying how he wouldn't want the family broken up because I needed help.
Anyway, the governor actually wrote back, which tickled my kid. I live in NY, and our kinda ineffective governor is working towards better ways to treat addicts, which I am glad for. But my son didn't really address those who continually end up back in the system as non-violent offenders. He had it in his head that those who didn't get it the first time should go to jail. At 14, I'm not sure I can expect him to come up with the more complex plan of how to resolve this. But I am glad he's at least thinking about some of these issues.
I don't know what my point is. Compassion, maybe? It's at least in there somewhere, I hope.
"Living Life Backwards" I love that!! I hope that's what Keven is doing. He got out of jail last night and I immediately got all my stress symptoms back.
I saw exactly what you describe here happen over in over (I spent a total of 48 hours in a court room listening to all this recently). I wish the punishment was HARSH up front.
I am linking here today, hope you don't mind.
Not grim. Serious mistakes that were partially caused by his addiction, I still feel strongly about personal responsibility. What he does from here FORWARD is what counts, since we can't do anything about our past except reflect and hopefully learn.
There is always hope, I don't believe any life is wasted... Keeping you both in my thoughts, and eager for the next installation
~Hugs~
I don't think that Andrew's life is over at all. He is young and if he is willing, he will have a good life. A lot is up to him. I hope that God has a plan for him. And that Andrew gets the message.
I love the idea of living life backwards and getting all the bad stuff out of the way first. I think that may be my story too :)
I include Andrew in my quiet moment at the end of every meeting I attend. The power of prayer is immeasurable. Trust that God has a plan for Andrew...This has been his path so that he can help countless others. Keep the faith my friend. The miracles are coming!
Of course there's still good stuff to come. It's life. It can never be all good or all bad. I will hope for him and for you that it's more good than bad. All my best, Lou.
Keep the HOPE..
My favorite motto is "Prepare for the Worse BUT EXPECT THE BEST".
I know in al-anon they say expectations leads to resentments..
But I have it all covered in the first part of that motto.. lol.
I like to be OPTIMISTIC..
My 25 year old son is finally working... (the one addicted to computer games/video games... and took 6 years to graduate)..
He is doing so much better; even if it is not what he went to college for..
But it is a start.. even if 8.50 an hour. I'm so proud of him..
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